Thursday, March 25, 2010

Top 22 Reasons I Hate being Pregnant


I am very pregnant. And very short. I am a whopping 4' 10" and try not to let my weight get over 90 lbs. So imagine what that does to my body when another little being needs to fit inside! Someone once gave me a paper titled "Top 25 Reasons Why I loved being Pregnant." I spit on it and ripped it up! Don't get me wrong, I know there is an amazing little miracle taking place inside me and that going through whatever it takes will be worth it in the end, but boy am I going to have a word with Eve when we get to Heaven since I do believe this is her fault!! Here are my personal "Top 20 Reasons to Hate being Pregnant".

1. Acid Reflux. This hits at around month 5. You're enjoying a good sleep, when suddenly you wake up out of your good dream with the taste of vomit in your throat. You jump up thinking you have the stomach flu, but no. The next night, your throat starts burning before you have a chance to fall asleep. You get up and start googling. Tim digs out all those old college textbooks he KNEW he'd need someday and we raise the head of the bed up about 2 feet. It helps for a little while, even though it's annoying constantly pulling yourself back up cuz gravity is now making you slide off the end of the bed. Soon Pepcid becomes your best friend.

2. You must know where the nearest bathroom is at all times. Especially while grocery shopping. Never know when baby is going to stomp on your already squished bladder.

3. Trying to put socks and shoes on is about as difficult as getting a cat to swallow a pill.

4. Trying to get into vehicles is hard enough with all that weight. But those handles on the ceiling of our mini van really help - until your body is depending on it... and it snaps off.

5. The steering wheel of above said mini van is so pressed into your belly you can hardly turn it. But being a midget, you must sit that close, or you can't reach the gas.

6. Having to miss out on yet another season of your favorite sport - downhill skiing!!

7. Gestational Diabetes. Carb junkies do NOT DO WELL WITH THIS. I'm throwing the biggest pizza party you ever saw - for myself - as soon as this baby makes her first cry in the world. I'm finding myself sneaking into the fridge at 11:00 in the morning to grab that mountain dew that I never would have wanted before this diagnosis... and somehow my mind says stop but my hands just won't quit making that chocolate malt... hey it's a litttttle tiny one.... just need a few tastes... NOW

8. There's no room on my lap to snuggle and read stories to my 1 and 3 year old! And they have a hard time understanding this!

9. Leg cramps. In the middle of the night.

10. The guilty feeling you get anytime you put on nail polish, open a paint can, use "non-green" toilet bowl cleaner...

11. Those late night mind wanderings that leave me in a cold sweat remembering what labor is like. MOVING ON.

12. The pathetic looks you get and then "wow you're about to pop anyday" when you still have 3 months of listening to that to go!

13. What to wear???

14. Back pain. Oh my. But this shouldn't be just a complaint, it should be a kudos to my hubby who gives me an awesome back massage almost EVERY night. No women, you can't have him.

15. Iron pills. The side effects make a certain pregnancy issue already present, much worse. Where's the prune juice? Oh yeah, can't drink that with gestational diabetes!

16. Does anyone else get those weird purple spots on their face, especially under the eyes? I've been told I look like I have a rash. Thanks mom. I don't mind honesty.

17. Oh so tired. But can't nap, because of acid reflux. You feel bad enough already taking Pepcid at night, better not take another one during the day just so you can get a little nap. How selfish would that be!

18. Watching everyone else enjoy the hottub while you stick your toes in... hoping nobody notices your extremely long toenails since you can no longer clip them yourself. And sorry, but the thought of ANYONE going near my nails with a clippers - no way.

19. Months 1-3. You GOTTA have that certain dish and make it as fast as you can. Sit down at the table and get a whiff of it on your plate and have to run outside for fresh air because the smell is enough to make you lose it.

20. Looking like trash in sweatpants to go out to eat because the thought of anything else around your waist is unfathomable.

21. Braxton Hicks. Those uncomfortable contractions that are there anytime you exert a little energy but produce NO RESULTS.

22. It hurts way too bad to walk much (ligament pain I guess??) so you don't get to do the grocery shopping anymore. Husbands getting groceries... well let's just say we are out of eggs, but not out of chips!!

And now that everyone thinks I'm the most pessimistic, grouchy girl around, I'm really not. Don't ask my husband though. But in 4 more weeks (hopefully less!!) I will be holding my third precious little child and this will all be a slightly distant memory! Thank you Lord, for the unimaginable love you give a mother for her child. I can't wait to meet you, Little Girl!!!

3 comments:

  1. you are too funny. sorry to laugh!

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  2. Simon & Melody WallisMarch 26, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Mel and I had a laugh reading this. She agrees with every single one of your points. Too funny! Hang in there Kamster!

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  3. This is all soooo true I always said I'd rather be in labor than pregnant!! At least you know there is an end in sight! You should right a book!!

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